So, you’re getting pretty serious in a relationship. Perhaps you’ve been with one another for quite some time now. You’re a serious couple; you know his family, he knows yours. It’s time to think about taking the next step. A lot of ladies might worry about the pressures and traditions surrounding a wedding and all the steps they’re expected to take along the way. However, if you want to say “I do” to the man, that doesn’t mean you have to say the same to a traditional relationship! Here a few rules worth breaking on the way.
Tradition 1 – You can’t talk about getting married before he’s popped the question
This is one of those head-scratchers. There are some women that would be put off a guy who broached the topic of marriage instead of trying to surprise her with the question. But that puts a lot of pressure on your fella. And not just because he might not entirely be sure that you will say yes! When you talk about marriage, you talk about the future. You talk about a lifestyle. You talk about careers. You talk about kids. You figure out what you truly want from life, which is often more important than the big question itself.
Tradition 2 – He has to do all of the proposal legwork
Ladies are starting to pick up some of the workload on the road to that big question, but there is still a lot of traditional pressure around it. You’re expected to wait for the question. He’s expected to plan it all out himself. Forget that! Guys can be shy and they can be nervous about asking the question if they’re not certain they’ll get a good answer. They might not know how to time it. If you know the answers, then take the initiative and ask him! Even if you don’t want to go that far, you can help ease some of the pressures. For instance, consider the money of proposing; he might have to set up a date (even a weekend away) and, of course, he has to pay for the ring. If he’s listening to traditional advice, he is spending way more on it than he should. You might want a nice ring, but you can still get a 2 karat diamond ring at a reasonable price if shop around together for better deals. Let him know that if he ever proposes, he doesn’t have to buy the ring himself, then you can do it together as a shared experience and shake off one of the main pressures of proposing – “what if she doesn’t like the ring?”!
Tradition 3 – You’re in charge of the wedding
After the proposal, it’s usually considered to be your responsibility to plan the wedding. Your fella will help, the bridesmaids will help and your mother might ask to help, but the pressure is mostly on you. And usually, it’s the pressure to have a bigger wedding than you planned, full of unexpected costs. Don’t be afraid to buck trends and get pushed into a wedding you’re uncomfortable with. Not everyone has the dream of a perfect day full of spectacle and that’s okay. If the marriage matters to you more than the wedding, let the guy take the lead just as much.Tradition 4 – Don’t live together before getting married
Living together can be one of the most valuable steps in a lifelong relationship. Getting married is a big step. It’s wonderful, it’s stressful, and it’s scary. But then having the pressure of discovering what it’s like to live with one another on top of all that can make it harder to actually start enjoying your life together. Spending a year or so living with one another beforehand can make it a lot easier on the both of you.
Tradition 5 – Stick to the traditional timeline
This is where a lot of the pressure of an engagement com in (and it has nothing to do with the “big day” itself). After the proposal, the engagement party is expected, and then the stag and hen parties. When you consider that many hen parties turn into weekends away, these traditions can end up taking much longer than the wedding day itself! But you don’t have to stick to that timeline if you don’t want. Don’t want to spend money on an engagement party? Skip it and put the money aside for the wedding itself. Hate the idea of a hen do? Skip it and just go out for dinner with your pals.
I hope these ideas have given you some ideas for having the engagement – and wedding – you want. People are different. Relationships are different. And just because you know people who value the traditional steps it doesn’t that mean you have to as well. Do what’s right for you and your partner, first and foremost. Let me know how you did it differently by leaving me a comment below 🙂